The engagement, or betrothal, is where two Kerala Christian families formally agree to a marriage. Where it is held, who attends, the exchange of rings and what has to be done afterwards.
For most Kerala Christian families, the engagement is the moment a proposal becomes a commitment. Different communities call it by different names (betrothal, othukalyanam, manasammatham), and the details vary from parish to parish. The shape, though, is much the same across Syro-Malabar, Latin, Syro-Malankara and Knanaya families.
Where it is held
Traditionally the engagement takes place at the bride's parish church, often after a morning Mass, in the presence of the parish priest. Some families now hold it at home or in a parish hall, with a short prayer service led by the priest. Talk to your parish office first, because many parishes have set days and times.
Who attends
The couple, both sets of parents, close relatives and usually the godparents. The groom's family travels to the bride's parish. It is a smaller gathering than the wedding: what matters is that the families stand together in front of the Church and agree.
What happens
- Prayer and blessing. The priest leads a prayer for the couple and their families.
- The agreement. The elders of both families confirm their consent. In many parishes a simple form is signed, recording the names, parishes and the planned wedding date.
- The rings. The couple exchange rings, which the priest blesses. (The minnu, the wedding pendant, is kept for the wedding itself. See Syro-Malabar wedding customs.)
- The date. The wedding date and church are fixed.
- A meal for the families, usually simple.
What happens after the engagement
The engagement starts the Church's own preparation. Both parishes will need to publish the banns, the couple must complete a pre-marriage course if they have not done so already, and certificates have to be collected from each parish. Our article on documents, banns and the pre-marriage course walks through the list. Leave enough time for it: a couple living abroad in particular should start the paperwork as soon as the date is set.
Planning tips
- Keep it modest. The engagement is a promise, not a rehearsal for the wedding reception.
- If the families are of different rites, agree which parish will host the wedding before the engagement.
- Photographs are welcome, but ask the parish about rules inside the church.
- Use the time between engagement and wedding for real conversations. These 25 questions are a good start.
Still at the searching stage? Browse Kerala Christian matrimony profiles by rite and diocese.