A Kerala Catholic wedding follows an order that has been refined over centuries, and knowing that order in advance takes a great deal of anxiety out of the day. Whether the wedding is Syro-Malabar, Latin, Syro-Malankara or Knanaya, the shape is broadly the same: the couple arrive, the Church prays with them, they give their consent, the marriage is sealed with signs, and it is recorded. What follows is that order, with the points where the traditions differ.
By the wedding morning the paperwork should be finished: baptism certificates, the marriage preparation course, the banns read in both parishes, and a letter of freedom where one of you belongs to another parish. If any of that is still outstanding, speak to your parish priest well before the day. Our guide to documents, banns and the pre-marriage course sets it out in full.
It also helps to meet the priest who will celebrate the wedding a week or two beforehand. He will explain how he likes the ceremony to run in his church, where the couple and witnesses sit, and what the choir needs to know.
In most Kerala parishes the groom and his family arrive first and wait in the church. The bride arrives with her family and enters in procession, usually accompanied by her father or a guardian, with the choir or musicians marking her entrance. Families differ on the details, and so do parishes, so it is worth agreeing on them with the priest rather than assuming.
A Catholic wedding normally takes place within the Eucharist, and this is where the traditions show their differences:
In every tradition there are readings from Scripture and a homily, and the marriage itself is celebrated after the Word of God has been heard.
The heart of a Catholic wedding is the consent. It is the couple, not the priest, who marry each other: the priest witnesses and blesses the promise they make freely before God and the Church.
In the Latin rite, before the consent the priest asks the couple whether they have come freely and without coercion, whether they will love and honour each other for the rest of their lives, and whether they will accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church. They then take each other as husband and wife, promising to be faithful in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, all the days of their lives.
The Eastern Churches celebrate the same consent in their own approved rites. Families often search for the exact words of the Syro-Malabar vows in Malayalam; the reliable source is your parish, which uses the text approved for the liturgy. Ask the priest for it beforehand. Many couples read it together several times before the day, so that on the day they are saying words they already understand, rather than repeating them for the first time.
After the consent come the signs that everyone remembers. In Syro-Malabar and Knanaya weddings, and in many Kerala Latin Catholic weddings too, the groom ties the minnu, the small pendant that marks the marriage, around the bride's neck, and the manthrakodi, the wedding sari, is blessed and given to her. Latin Catholic weddings also bless and exchange rings, and many Kerala couples now do both.
Once the Mass or Qurbana is over, the couple and their witnesses sign the parish marriage register. This is the Church's record of the marriage, and the parish issues a marriage certificate from it.
In Kerala the marriage must also be registered with the local body — the panchayat or municipality — under the state's marriage registration rules. The parish certificate is used for that, and it is worth doing within the time allowed rather than leaving it until a passport or visa application needs it.
Photographs are usually taken at the church before the reception. The reception itself is a family occasion and varies widely, but the order of the church ceremony does not: it is the same prayer, whichever parish you are in, which is part of its quiet strength.
If you are still looking for the person you will stand beside on that day, Jesus Choice Matrimonial lets families search by rite, diocese and parish, with every profile reviewed by our team.
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