Marriage preparation
25 Questions to Ask Before Marriage: A Guide for Catholic Couples
28 May 2026 · 2 min read
In a Kerala Christian marriage the families often settle the big questions between themselves: who, when, which parish. The couple can arrive at the altar having discussed very little of the life they are about to share. These questions are meant for the two of you, ideally over several conversations, after the families have met and before the date is fixed.
Faith
- What does your faith look like on an ordinary Tuesday, not just on Sunday?
- Would you want to pray together as a couple? How often?
- Which parish would we belong to, and how involved would we be?
- If we belong to different rites, whose rite will our children be baptised in? (See inter-rite marriage.)
- How do you understand the Church's teaching on marriage and family planning?
Family
- Do you expect us to live with your parents, near them or on our own?
- How will we care for our parents as they grow older?
- How often do you imagine us visiting each family?
- What did you admire, and what would you change, about the way your parents' marriage works?
- Is there anything about your family I should hear from you before I hear it from someone else?
Money
- Do you have any loans, and how do you plan to repay them?
- Will we pool our salaries or keep some separate?
- Do you send money home, and will that continue?
- What is your attitude to saving, to gold, to buying property?
- How should the wedding itself be paid for, and how much is too much? (Our article on dowry and the Catholic conscience is worth reading together.)
Work and home
- Do you want to keep working after marriage? After children?
- Would you move abroad, or back to Kerala, for the other's career?
- How do you think housework should be shared?
- What does a good weekend look like to you?
- How much time alone do you need?
Children and the future
- Do you want children? How many, and when?
- How would you want to raise them in the faith?
- How do you handle anger, and what do you need from me when you are upset?
- Is there any health matter I should know about?
- Where do you hope we will be in ten years?
How to use these questions
Do not treat this as an interview. Pick three or four at a time, answer them yourself too, and listen more than you speak. The point is not to find someone who gives the "right" answers but to find out early where you differ, while there is still time to talk it through. The pre-marriage course in your parish will cover many of these again. It helps to arrive having already started. Our guide to documents, banns and the pre-marriage course explains that step.